Fanfiction Addiction
by ReidFan24-7
Summary: After years and years of Reid giving the same lame excuse the BAU team has had enough. They are determined and nothing is going to stop them from learning the truth: What does Doctor Spencer Reid do in his free time?
1. The Discovery

**A/N: Hey everyone, this is a new story that I have been dying to write. I hope you guys like it.**

 **However, before I begin, I must give credit where credit is due, this fic was inspired by the genius work of "FanFiction** **Trauma" by** **IncognitoGirl1993. A fanfic that will surely crack you up. Check it out.**

 **Please Review and Enjoy!**

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Chapter One: The Discovery

...

It was never fathomed that being a boy genius was such a struggle, but in reality it was. That was something that others just didn't understand. After cases, long, hard and disturbing cases, where the team felt they needed to blow of steam at some bar, Reid would always opt out. They always questioned why he would never come with them, told him it wasn't healthy being alone all the time, but he would ignore them, smile, and always say the same thing, "I have work to do."

When thought about, it wasn't really a believable excuse for the work day had just ended and Reid did not have another job. However, each time this occasion would present it's self, the other members of the team would nod in understand and accept the excuse.

But not this time.

It all started one day after work. The team had just come off a rough case consisting os torture, jealousy, murder, the likes. As perusal, they all felt it was necessary to head to the local bar and forget about their day. Morgan had rallied them all up, convincing Hotch, JJ, Rossi, Garcia, and Emily, they all needed to relax and have some fun. They agreed, and as always Morgan would save asking Reid for last, hoping that maybe this time he would relent and go with them.

"Reid?" Morgan asked, for what seemed like the thousandth time. He gazed at the stubborn genius through doubtful eyes. "You coming?"

Reid sighed and replied as he always did, "No Morgan I can't." He slung his messenger bag over his slender shoulder and grabbed a few lingering papers from his desk. "I have work to do."

Morgan sighed, not surprised. "Reid you always say that. But what kind of work are you talking about? What's so important that you can't hang with us for a few hours?" Maybe this time he would receive a definitive answer.

"I just can't okay." Reid replied, peering down at his watch. When he looked up his eyes were bright with agitation. "I need to go." Without another word Reid breezed past Morgan and disappeared behind a corner.

Morgan watched as Reid disappeared, the gears turning inside his head. He had had enough! He was sick of the lies! Sick of the same excuse over and over again! He was sick of it!

The dark agent turned to the rest of the team, his eyes alit with newfound determination.

"Morgan you alright?" Emily asked quizzically. "Your looking kinda..."

"I'm sick of it!" Morgan cried, cutting Emily off. His outburst took the team by surprise and some of them took a cautious step back.

"Morgan?" Hotch inquired.

"I'm sick of it!" Morgan repeated. "I can't take it anymore. Reid has turned down my offer about a thousand times and has never given me a valid excuse to why. He's always saying, "I have work to do" but what work!? What work is he possibly talking about? I ask him when he _leaves_ work! I don't know about you guys, but I'm done with all the lies and excuses. Tonight I'm going to find out what Spencer Reid really does in his free time."

When Morgan finished he was out of breath, he sucked greedily at the air as he took it in in short huffy gasps. The team seemed taken by his statement cause JJ carried on, "Yeah Morgan's right! He never comes out with us and I think it's time we find out why. Don't you guys think so?"

The others seemed unconvinced.

"This is a complete invasion of privacy and what Reid choses to do in his free time is no business of ours. We should-" Rossi trailed off when Hotch raised a hand.

It was truly unexpected by all the team when he said, "Come on Dave, lighten up. I think Morgan and JJ are right. Not only for our sake but for the sake of the team as a whole. Keeping selects and lying isn't a good practice. This is important."

Rossi's mouth fell open. "Your encouraging this Aaron?"

"No Dave I'm not encouraging this," Hotch retorted calmly. He looked at the other members, his eyes gleaming. "This is something that must be done." Hotch nodded at Morgan, retaining composure.

"Let's do this."

XxX

Reid sat comfortably on the couch, his laptop rested on his lap. The lights were off, with the exception of the table lamp and the luminous from his computer screen. His fingers typed away at his keyboard.

He was almost finished.

Unconsciously, he began biting at his lower lip, his mind racing with the ideas for the conclusion to his story. It had seemed like forever ago since he had started it and he was excited that in only a few seconds, it would all be over. His fingers raced and danced over the keys, the ideas in his mind flooding out like liquid gold.

Just...a...few...more... "DONE!" He shouted, pumping his fists excitedly in the air. He moved his computer from his lap onto the coffee table before him and jumped to his feet, grinning from ear to ear. He dropped his arms to his sides and pulled his sweatshirt tighter around his body as he felt a slight breeze enter his apartment. Weird he thought, though he ignored it. Too excited to give slight winds any notice at the time being.

Reid desperately wanted to read it over, but I look at his watch told him that he couldn't. It was already 6:30 and he needed to head to the store before it got to dark. Disappointed he stood up, grabbed his messenger bag from the table and headed out. But not before giving his computer a sideways glance. The screen displayed his achievement, bright and ready for his eyes. He left it powered on, so for when he returned there would be no delay in getting to his creation.

One more look, and he was gone. The door shut loudly behind him.

The room was silent for a few moments. Then.

"Okay I think he's gone."

XxX

"This is so wrong."

Morgan looked over at Emily, who was clinging to the bottom rungs of the latter. "If I remember correctly, you didn't seem so against this plan before." Morgan placed his booted foot on a rung before tugging himself up another few feet.

"Well that was before I knew that we would be breaking and entering in our _friends_ apartment. He's never going to forgive us!" Emily exclaimed, grunting as she advanced further up the contraption. "Why did I even agree to this?"

Morgan laughed as he pulled himself to a standing position on the metal platform. He reached down for Emily and pulled her to her feet as well, still chuckling.

"What are you laughing about?" She snarled, her face contorted in rage but her eyes remained soft with humor. She persisted. "You think spying on Reid is funny? If he catches us"-she paused with legitimate concern-"Oh wow I don't even want to think about what he would do."

"Clam down Emily. It's Reid. What's he going to do, boar us to death?" Morgan said, smiling. "And besides Reid's bound to know this was coming."

"Really? Reid should have anticipated his two friend's climbing the fire escape to sneak through his window, while the rest of his colleagues wait outside for _our_ single before coming in to search his apartment. Really Morgan? This is somethingg he should be expecting?"

Morgan frowned, "Well maybe not." He turned away from her, pressing his fingers to his lips as he crept toward the nearest window. Ducking beneath the sill, Morgan peeked over the edge sneaking a look inside. He gestured for Emily to come over.

"Is he there?" She whispered upon arriving next to Morgan. A few seconds passed before Morgan brought his gaze to her own and nodded. "He's on his computer."

Computer?

She dared a look over the edge of the sill and sure enough caught a glimpse of Reid sitting in his living room, typing on his laptop.

"Wait but I thought Reid was a technophobe?" Emily inquired. "He never uses computers."

Morgan shrugged. "Maybe theres more we don't know about Reid then we thought."

Emily's gaze lingered on Morgan before returning to look through the window. It was pretty dark in there, with the exception of a few lights. She watched as Reid typed furiously away at his keyboard, writing who knows what.

"I wonder what he's doing."

"Yeah," Morgan watched as the young genius suddenly jumped to his feet, pumping his fists into the air. A large grin was plastered on his excited face. Morgan's face contorted in that of confusion. "Me too. Let's go." Before Emily could stop him, Morgan unhitched the window and pushed it open.

The two agents froze as their youngest seemed to notice the temperature change and pulled his jacket around him. They waited, Emily's heart pounded at the realization of everything hit her.

 _This is it_ she thought. _He's going to find us spying on him and then he is going to shoot us._ She waited.

Nothing happened.

She dared another look over the sill and saw that the room was empty. Exhaling deeply, she turned to Morgan and punched him hard in the shoulder.

"What the Hell!?"

"He almost saw us! You are so stupid sometimes." She yelled/whispered. "You are a trained federal agent. You should know not to open windows when your spying on someone!" She punched him again. "Come on, I think he's gone!"

Morgan worked to retain a straight face as he and Emily slid through the open window, unaware of what they would find.

XxX

"I feel like a spy!" Garcia exclaimed upon entering Reid's apartment. Morgan and Emily had given them the signal and now the team all stood gathered in Reid's apartment.

"Soo...what do we do now?" Rossi inquired, gazing around the cluttered room in slight awe. The kid did have a lot of books. "What are we looking for."

For some odd reason the team turned to Emily for a response. "Hey what are you looking at me for! Morgan is the one who wanted to do this. You should be asking him!" She threw her hands off as if attempting to wore off the excessive eye contact.

Morgan took this as an opportunity to step in, but not before giving Emily an exasperated look, "Let's check his computer. When we go here he was working on something and I want to know what it was."

"His computer?" Hotch asked.

"Yeah apparently our little technophobe has one," Morgan supplied walking over to the table where the device sat. It was still bright as Reid had left it on and Morgan crouched down to get a better look at the screen.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?"Garcia began. "A computer is the key..." But she trailed off at the horrified look that took over Morgan's handsome face. "Morgan?"

"OH M- you guys have to see this!" The team knew not to argue as the crazed, yet ecstatic, was that what it was?, look in Morgan's eyes was enough to get their full attention.

What was he looking at?

They all huddled around the small 13 inch, and read the words that Morgan was pointing to. All eyes went wide, their mouths fell open. It said:

 **The Secret Life of Doctor Spencer Reid**

"Whoa what did we just find?"


	2. And So It Begins

A/N: Sorry for the long wait. Next chapter out soon and much longer. Hope you enjoy!

...

Chapter Two: And So It Begins

...

"What do we do now?" Garcia asked. Her painted finger nails hovered over the computer keys awaiting instruction. She knew it was wrong, everything about what they were doing was wrong and yet...

"This is a total invasion of Reid's privacy. We shouldn't be doing this," Emily said, her arms crossed over her chest. She stood away from the group, though Garcia couldn't help but notice the sparked interest in her dark eyes.

They considered that fact for a few moments, but then Morgan spoke up, "We need to do this. Well I mean I do. Reid has been keeping secrets for far too long, I mean look at the freakin' title. "The Secret Life of Dr. Spencer Reid". Arn't you guys curious?"

"Yeah Morgan's right," Hotch agreed. He looked at the team, his eyes determined, his voice too. It was during these times where the team were compelled to do whatever he said. "We need to do this."

The other's nodded, though Emily still seemed a little less then willing.

Garcia clicked the link.

The page loaded for a few moments and then a new page flashed on the bright screen. Big bold lettering at the top read:

 **The Secret Life of Dr. Spencer Reid**

 **Summary**

"Should we.." JJ began though her voice trailed off. Garcia clicked on and began reading.

 **Dr. Spencer Reid has a secret. A secret that has never been leaked to anyone. When the doctor isn't living the mediocre life as the clumsy genius people always label him as, he's being the man he has always been, secretly. In the life of this young doctor there is no longer a definite line that divides real and un real. Safety is no longer an option. The rules are simple: fight or die. Watch as the amazing Doctor Spencer Reid fights crime with his incredibly toned muscles and _mind,_ lives large and always...and I mean ALWAYS...gets the girl. It won't be a safe journey, so buckle up and prepare for this incredible ride. **

Garcia finished reading though the silence did not last.

Morgan pushed forward, brow furrowed. "What the HECK is this?!" He exclaimed. "Some kinda...story? Does Reid think he's Batman or something?"

"Wow." That was all Rossi added. His face was blank of all expression.

Garcia looked up at the stricken Morgan and smiled, "Well I'm intrigued. Let's keep reading." And without another word Garcia proceeded to click to the next page.

 **Chapter One: Aristocrats and Arsenics**

...

A/N: I apologize in advance for my humor. Enjoy Though!


	3. Aristocrats and Arsenics

A/N: Hope you enjoy! I felt really bad about the long wait for last chapter and decided to update again. Thanks everyone and please remember this is utter stupidity! Next chapter out soon.

 **...**

 **Maddison Feldman didn't like anything cheap. That was clear from all the expensive jewelry that lined her walls. She had a fortune. That was clear.**

"Good opening," Morgan remarked. "I'm sooo intrigued."

Garcia shot him a look, and continued.

 **She had long brown hair, so long it bypassed her curly structure and almost touched the floor. For that, she had nasty lower back problems.**

"Really Reid?"

 **In her free time, which was almost all the time, seeing as she was so incredibly rich she had no need to work, she would do what she loved the most.**

"This doesn't make any sense," Rossi inquired. "How is she so incredibly rich if she doesn't work?" The other's ignored him.

 **Burn things.**

"What the Hell?" Emily exclaimed. Morgan gave her a look.

"Well look who wants to join us now. Weren't you..."

"Oh shut up Morgan."

 **That's right burn things. It was her passion. He had blow torches that lined the walls, matched in every place possible, even a fire place in her room. It was a serious problem, but such a burning passion.**

"I have a fireplace in my room," Rossi interjected, he shook his head and rubbed his hand through his hair. "Oh Reid..."

JJ jumped in, "See what he did there?" She pointed to the screen. "Play on words, 'such a _burning_ passion'. See?

"That's great JJ." Hotch replied sarcastically.

Garcia continued.

 **One day, however, when she was burning stuff, something went incredibly wrong. One of her** **servants, had walked in on her and in an act of panic, Maddison set her on fire (XXX Authors Note XXX).**

"Hey we didn't see an authors note, Garcia did you miss something?" Emily asked, she elbowed Morgan before he could say anything.

"Just a moment my sweet." Garcia searched around the screen for a few moments. She scrawled up and down the page, did some of her tech magic, and by the moments end, had five very confused agent hovering over her shoulder. "Found it!"

"How did, did..."

"Baby, don't question the magic that is me. Now hush up everyone." She proceeded to read.

 **A/N:**

"I'm assuming that means authors note." She shrugged.

 **Hey everyone! This is SuperBronyBrainBoy coming to you all! I am relatively new and this is my first story ever! ;;))) The fandom is a mystery, can anyone figure it out? I am really excited about this one! As for the ratings, some chapters will be rated M for** **safety. Next to the chapter Title is where the rating will be.**

Garcia paused and revisited the chapter title, **Aristocrats and Arsenics.** "Well that's not true, it doesn't say a rating."

"Besides what does the M stand for? Mediocre? Mysterious?" JJ offered.

"Mature?" Hotch attempted. "It could stand for mature considering MA for us, is Mature Audience."

"And what's up with that user name?" Morgan laughed. "SuperBronyBrainBoy?

"Maybe our baby boy has a dark side! Ohhh! Let's read." Garcia squealed.

"But there's more to the author's note, look."

 **Depending on the mood I'm in some chapters might be SLASH, but that depends. But I can promise their will be ALOT of WHUMP! Major! So here we are, if you can't handle the mayhem, crime fighting, and surprises I have in store, you better leave now. What I have planned will blow your socks off. Don't say I didn't warn you!**

"Wow, ok." Emily stated. "Interesting choice of words."

"What is all this WHUMP and SLASH stuff?" Rossi asked. He looked around at the others who just shrugged.

"You think we can handle this? This chapter is rated M apparently." Hotch joked, though he retained a straight face. "And there is a possibility it might just blow your socks off..."

"I must find out what happens!" Garcia exclaimed, leaving no room for any other discussion.

 **How did she do it? Why? It all just happened in a slit second. One minute she was alone, and the next her servant was laying on the ground, in ashes. She was...DEAD.**

"Gee, really?"

 **Maddison liked the feeling of killing. It felt amazing! So she decided to continue. WOULD SHE EVER STOP?! She began burning people left and right, piling up hundreds of bodies before finally the authorities decided to call in reinforcements. They needed help, no more people could die!**

"This is so inaccurate. The authorities wouldn't wait for a hundred people to die before calling in the FBI. How does Reid not know that?" JJ inquired, she rubbed her temple. Writing was not one of Reid's strong suits. Clearly.

 **"FBI, you are needed!" Officer Roger yelled over the phone. "Come now we have an emergency!" Agent Hotch rallied his team up, "We have a problem. Kansas needs our help!"**

"Hey look Hotch, it's you!" Garcia exclaimed.

Hotch groaned, "That's just great."

 **The tall, dark, and** **handsome Agent even in the face of danger kept his cool.**

Morgan and Emily broke out laughing at the sight of Hotch's bewildered expression. He looked upon the computer in horror.

"Wait, what?" Hotch yelled. "Why would he describe me like that?"

Though this was quite disturbing, the others couldn't help but laugh. Even in a perfect world, Hotch never got flabbergasted.

 **He walked swiftly, hips swaying in-**

"Skip it!" Hotch growled.

 **step. He was heading to his Agent. The Agent. It was clear, they would need his help. He cleared his throat and straightened his tie. He sprayed a little clone just to be safe.**

 **"Come in." Came the low and manly voice.**

"Oh Reid, just stop!"

 **Hotch saw him and felt himself become insecure. This man before him was so intimidating. "What do you need," he spoke.**

"Insecure. Why the Hell would I be insecure?!" Hotch bellowed.

 **"We need you, Dr. Your the only one who can save Kansas!" The good Doctor nodded, and stood up. "I will do this! Have no fear! I will stop this crime!"**

 **A few minutes later, Dr. Spencer Reid was in Kansas. He had flown at maximum speed. The FBI were coming, but they were going much too slow.**

"So he is some kind of super hero now? He can fly?"

"Did Reid actually write himself as superman?" Morgan asked, his jaw slightly open. His eyes wide. Stunned.

 **The minute he got there, he saw Maddison. Matches and blow torch in hand. She wore all black and, oh, it couldn't be. She had gotten a hair cut.**

"Wh-" Morgan began, but Rossi promptly cut him off.

"Garcia just keep reading."

 **"Maddison," The doctor began. "You are evil! I must take you in! I must put an end to your reign of terror!**

 **"NO! NEVER!" She shrieked. She threw a match his way. He side stepped it, narrowly escaping death.**

"I just can't...This is so-"

"NO MORE INTERRUPTIONS!" Garcia yelled.

 **He took a deep long breath and thought of something witty. "Your end isn't near...it's HERE, evil one! He froze her with his super breath!**

"So he-"

"WHAT DID I SAY!"

 **The FBI arrived then. "Take her away." The Doctor said. He winked at Emily Prentiss, one of the babes of the department. She almost melted on the spot.**

"Are you f-"

"EMILY!"

 **The fire wielder was still frozen, her fire was put out. Finally Kansas was put to justice. Hotch walked up to Dr. Spencer Reid. He gave him a sharp nod. "How do you do it?"**

 **He didn't need to think, he winked at the handsome agent. "Sir, fighting crime is just another day for me!"**

"Can I talk now?" Morgan asked. Garcia didn't yell at him, so he continued. "So he did write himself in as a superhero. The kids clearly got some serious issues."

"Mature my ass, that was like the worst story ever!" Emily yelled.

"There is so much wrong with this story." JJ seemed dazed.

"I'd say. Whats all this crap about Emily Prentiss melting, and winking at Hotch the tall, dark and handsome?" Emily demanded. "What is Reid thinking?"

The others nodded, with the exception of Garcia.

"Well I like it!" Garcia said, severely surprising the others. "I want to find out what happens."

"Yeah I do too. What else does this kid got in store?"

"We have some time, he won't be back for a few hours," Hotch added. "How long is this story anyway."

Garcia didn't say anything for a few moments as she checked. "26 chapters."

"Oh boy." Rossi muttered.

"Then we better get started."

 **Please Review.**


	4. Betrayal in the BAU

A/N: Thank you for all the kind reviews and too everyone who left their thoughts! I apologize for any mistakes through out, I am my own beta. Here's the next chapter, hope you enjoy! :)

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Chapter Four: Betrayal in the BAU

...

"There's 24 freakin chapters!" Emily yelled.

"26." Garcia corrected.

"Theres _26_!"

"It would seem so." Rossi commented. He looked around at the others. "And it would seem that we plan on reading each and every one?"

Morgan replied, "I'm not leaving this apartment until I have read every single word of Reid's story."

Garcia nodded giddily, eagerly clicking into the next chapter. "Oooh! I'm so excited. This one looks good!"

And with that the team ventured into chapter two of: **The Secret Life of Dr. Spencer Reid**

 **Chapter Two: Betrayal in the BAU**

Emily groaned slightly. Garcia continued.

 **A/N: So I can tell you guys really enjoyed last chapter! Thank you for all the positive responses, I've never been so blown away. I love all reviews-**

"Reviews?"

"SHHHH!"

 **-so please everyone, share your feedback with me! But now for chapter 2! I don't mean to brag but this one will be pretty great; it's a mystery! ;)**

"OOOh! A mystery! I can't wait!" JJ sighed sarcastically.

Garcia squealed excitedly, "What's my baby boy up to now?!"

"Wait there are reviews? W-" Morgan attempted but was cut off by a very energized Garcia who once again proceeded to read.

 **It was no average day in the BAU. But when was there ever an _average_ day? The team sat lazily in the Bullpen await for their newest case Hotch would surely bring. All were exhausted from the previous case; they all just ****wanted to go home.**

"Ok not too bad." Rossi commented. "Maybe this chapter won't be...terrible."

 **Hotch brought the case. But something was different. The case file was large and black, not tan as it normally should have been. This was a signal, a SIGNAL, that something was terribly wrong!**

"Well that's not accurate. FBI folders don't differ in colors unique to cases." Hotch pointed out. The others nodded in agreement.

"A SINGLE!" Morgan mocked. Emily snickered.

 **"What is it!?" Morgan yelled. He jumped forward, thrusting his thick muscular arms in his sleek leather jacket.**

"Oh my Chocolate thunder! Finally!" Garcia squealed.

"He jumped forward, thrusting his thick arms in his sleek leather jacket?" JJ repeated, seemingly dumbfounded.

"What the Hell Reid..."

 **JJ was next, her tight leather leotard holding everything tightly in place as she strutted forward. Her long blond locks swished with her slim yet not slim waist.**

"Ok," JJ threw her arms up in exasperation. Emily and Morgan held back a snicker; Hotch almost seemed to be trying to hide a smile. "I don't been know how to respond to that!"

 **Emily, of course, wore all black. Her skin was burned from a nasty tan which helped show off the vibrant red lip stick she wore. Sexy was the only word to describe this crisp woman.**

"Just...Just..." Emily stuttered, flabbergasted. "WHAT THE FU-"

"I'LL KEEP READING!"

 **Rossi followed from behind, his suit subtly showing off his biceps. Thick and meaty.**

"Hmmm." Rossi nodded. "Maybe this isn't so terrible..."

 **The agent wore his glasses, his expression was unreadable. His graying hair glistened in the ceiling lights. Garcia followed from behind.**

"Or maybe not..." Rossi huffed. "I ought to give Reid a-"

"Oh Goodie!" Garcia yelled.

 **She wore her usual attire, armed with tech in each arm. She _was_ the tech ****goddess, she would be needed. Hotch ushered everyone into his headquarters.**

"Headquarters?"

 **He opened the file and unveiled it's secrets. There was a double agent working in the** **Bureau! The team gasped. "Who can it be!?" JJ explained. No one could respond as no one knew. Morgan gazed through the shade shutters of Hotch's head quarters: so many agents, SO LITTLE TIME.**

"Oh this is getting gooood!" Hotch joked. The others laughed in surprised. Despite how poorly written, amateur...I'm just going to say it...HORRIBLE...Reid's story was, it was so rare to see their unit chief smile that it was almost nice, despite everything.

Garcia read on.

 **It became clear: They would have to call in the doctor. "Doctor!" Hotch yelled, anxiety coursing through his veins. Within seconds Dr. Spencer Reid was at his side. He flashed a bright smile at the agents. JJ, Garcia, and that babe Emily all seemed to melt on the spot.**

"I do not melt, but I mean...babe..." Emily stumbled, unconsciously playing with a stand of her long dark hair.

"Oh Em, you feeling the heat. You see-"

"Oh shut up Morgan!"

 **"What is the situation." The Doctor questioned. He was getting right to business. This double agent had to be stopped! Hotch handed him the folder, within seconds it had been read.**

"Well I mean that's pretty accurate..." Morgan commented. "In that department, the kids kinda superhuman."

"Yeah 20,000 words per minute. Very impressive."

 **He began to think, his thoughts racing in and out of his mind. His ideas multiplying, compiling into a plan of action. He would find the answer, the solution to all their** **problems.**

"Those were well structured and interesting sentences. He's getting better."

"Before you say that, look at the next line..."

 **"DANGER! DANGER!" Morgan yelled. "PLEASE THINK! THINK FASTER DOCTOR!" He began thinking harder, harder then he ever had before.**

"Yep, never mind..."

"I love the use of all caps and exclamation points. very compelling."

 **And then, FINALLY! He had the solution. "I know what to do! Don't fear!" He dashed from the room at lightning speed and using his X-RAY vision, searched the entire building.**

"X-Ray vision, huh?" JJ questioned.

Rossi shrugged, "I saw that coming."

 **Seconds passed. Then, he saw it. A small paper with large bolded letters. Stuck in the desk of inconspicuous mail worker Jeff! It read, DOUBLE AGENT MAN!**

"Cause that's just bound to happen..."

"Oh you just stop!"

 **Within seconds, Jeff was caught. His plans were foiled, no longer would he betray the FBI's secrets. He had been doing it for a long time, no longer would he get away with this betrayal. Dr. Spencer Reid walked forward beginning to exit the building, but not before giving Emily a wink.**

"OH FOR...SAKE!"

 **She giggled, holding a delicate hand up to her mouth. Her eyes followed his trim, yet muscular body. He was a hero, that was clear. She longed to be with him, "One day." She thought. "One day."**

For once Emily seemed to be at a loss for words; the others didn't seem to mind.

Garcia clasped her hands together, eagerly. "What did you guys think? Ready for the next chapter?"

Everyone else, aside from Emily, and of course, Garcia, groaned. "I guess, I'm just really glad that one is over. Thank God it-"

"Oh wait there's more!"

Everyone in the room seemed to freeze in place. "MORE?!"

 **A/N: Thank you all! Read, read, read! Fun isn't it!? Just click the box and leave your thoughts. Please review! ;)**

"What box?" Hotch asked. They all hovered over Garcia as she scrolled down the page. She stopped, and then there it was, a small box with the smallest of writing. 'Write Review Here..."

"Should we?" JJ asked curiously. She received a mischievous look from both Morgan and Garcia.

She chuckled already beginning to type, "Sweetheart, do you even have to ask?"


	5. Garcia Ought To Be Banned From Wifi

**A/N: Thanks to everyone leaving your thoughts! Sorry for any mistakes in the chapter. I am my own beta...:s. Please review and enjoy!**

...

Chapter Five: Garcia Ought To Be Banned From Wifi

...

"Garcia, I can't believe you would write that!" Emily exclaimed, her face pinching up as she began laughing. "If Reid read that, Omg...I don't even know what he would do!"

"Wait, what did she write?" Morgan asked. Emily pointed at the screen where Garcia continued to type and the others huddled over the computer reading silently.

"That is so...wrong."

"Yeah, I actually feel violated." JJ added, but her bewildered expression melted into a goofy grin. "Reid is going to die, actually die..." She trailed off, laughing. Her and Emily clutching their stomachs giggling hysterically.

Hotch gave them a mystified look, and raised his eyebrow. He leaned in, succumbing to temptation and reading what Garcia had written. She leaned back in her chair and giggled.

"Wow." Hotch said before standing up. He gave Garcia an incredulous look before turning away and hiding a half smile.

Garcia giggled. "Finished, and..." She tapped a button and smiled. "Posted. We have now officially posted our first review on our new account."

"Account?" Rossi pondered. "What account?"

Garcia smiled mischievously. "Only the soon to be most fangirling-boying account known to the FanFiction universe. It is _that_ account I mean?"

Rossi frowned, seemingly unsure on how to proceed. "Hu?"

JJ cut in, "Won't Reid know it's us? Can't he tell?"

Garcia gave her a condensing look before smiling brightly, "Well of course not my dear JJ. With the creation of this super rocking account comes the secrecy that is the total awesomeness of our username. We have entered this universe known as..."

Morgan leaned in before she could finish, "Oh God Garcia, please don't tell me that's it."

"What? Too Much?" She asked innocently. Morgan faced palmed and moved away from the computer.

The others crowded in.

"Oh my Dear Lord. Garcia, are you serious?" Emily laughed.

"What?" She squealed. "It's _totally_ perfect!"

"Yeah, a little _too_ perfect," Rossi muttered. Hotch just shook his head and sighed.

"We ought to ban you from wifi, Garcia. That's just...disturbing." Morgan mused.

Garcia giggled. "I love it! I can't wait to read the next story!" She clicked out of the review and on to the next chapter. She began reading and the others conceded again crowded around the small computer screen.

"What's the title?" Hotch asked.

Garcia squealed. Morgan moaned. "The most captivating one yet," He sighed. "I'm happy to welcome you to chapter three of "The Secret Life of Doctor Spencer Reid": Crimes, Clues, and Coconuts."

 **Please review, filler chapter! ugh! Sorry about having done this after such a long wait, but this is where I wanted to end it. As for the reviews, before you flame me and IDK, you will get to read the reviews! Just you wait. Any ideas on the user name? What about the reviews left by Garcia? Any ideas? (She is one twisted chick :) But that's why we love her... :P**


	6. Crimes, Clues, and Coconuts

**Warnings/Disclaimer: This is in no way intended as copyright** **infringement, all the charters belong to the one and only CBS. If you are not a fan of stupidity, the lowest form of writing, and a semi out of character Reid, I advise you to go on to another story. As for the ones who decide to stick around: please enjoy, flame, comment, critique (if there are spell in errors in Reid's story, it was all my mistake and** **unintended) suggest. The whole lot!**

 **Rating has increased from K+ to T. (PG-13) Either**

 **Warnings: Language, some 'somewhat' inappropriate scenes. Its a bit more for an older audience, but not terribly so**

 **XOXO**

...

Chapter Six: Crimes, Clues, and Coconuts

...

Crammed between the back window of the subway car, and a mechanical worker whom had not taken personal hygiene into account, Reid was ready to scream.

He was kicking himself, not literally of course, on his rash, and utterly stupid decision of boarding the subway that night. He couldn't believe this was happening!

It was the one night he would have done anything to get home as fast as possible, get in get out, get home. Done. Finito.

Why did he even need to go to the stupid store anyway!?

But of course, that was not how things were working out.

When he had arrived at the station, he had disminded the conductors announcement of a "possible technical failure and delay", and had boarded the subway anyway.

Many others had seemed to have done the same thing, and seconds before the door could shut, herds and herds of people crammed themselves inside, all wanting to get a spot and not have to wait for the next subway...10 MINUTES AFTER!

So here he was, pressed against the cool smooth glass of the back window and some random guy who probably never heard of deodorant in his life, just wishing for the subway to suddenly work again and to escape this nightmare.

He could barely breath between the smell and the heavy bodies pressed against him. And he really, REALLY, had to pee.

"Hey kid, you mind sharing some of 'he space." The man, who's name tag had read De, grunted from over head, promoting Reid to bit back a scream. The man, rather De shifted, in place further pushing the young, skinny man, further into the window and the metal seat beneath him.

"Better?" Reid grumbled sarcastically. De didn't seem to hear.

Reid groaned. This night couldn't get any worse right? It was already as bad as it could get!

Trapped in a subway car, in the middle of the subway tunnels...With some stupid thug smelling worse than Morgan's gym locker. And to add to it, the metal arms of that chair was jammed very close to a place Reid hoped it would never meet.

Yeah, no, things couldn't get any worse.

Just then, as if on queue, his phone buzzed. Awkwardly, he reached his hand into his pocket, pulled the small device from his pants and held it close to his face. His eyes widened. Out of horror, happiness...extreme pain, none would know because at that moment the subway lurched forward and Spencer Reid was rammed crotch first in the metal chair's armrest.

-:-

"'Crimes, Clues, and Coconuts'?" Rossi repeated dumfounded. "Do you guys really want to read this?"

The whole room silenced, as Garcia struck the senior agent with a precarious look. "Rossi, how could you...not?"

Rossi looked about to answer when Hotch stepped forward and shook his head, "David, there's no point in arguing."

Rossi conceded, eyes holding the usual excitement as Garcia proceeded to read the story.

 **A/N: Hey guys sorry for the long wait, just couldn't get my bearings together! But enough with that, if you all like action, crime fighting, and a bit of...romance this is for you! Please enjoy!**

" I can't wait!" JJ grumbled sarcastically.

 **Warnings.**

"I wonder what it's for this time? Obsessive PDA? Brief and untrue descriptions of-"

"And continuing!" Garcia interrupted.

 **Obsessive PDA. Extreme action-filled events. Extreme** **graphic violence.**

"Called it," Emily inserted as they read on.

"No more interruptions. Let's just get through this chapter. Theres like a billion more afterwards." Morgan stated with a sigh.

The others all groaned inwardly, well aside from Garcia of course, who's face had but brightened.

 **"Onward!"** **The empress called. She was but grace, elegance, and leadership. "Onward." She was but the pure image of fairness, love, compassion...**

 **"Move your fat ass!" The empress yelled. "MOVE!"**

 **A servant beside her faltered slightly, but pushed forward. Exhaustion beginning to eat away at his tired bones. She kicked him in the head. It fell off his shoulders and rolled to the ground.**

"Wait?" Emily breathed, mouth agape. Her eyes widened as she re read the line. "Just...what?" She seemed to be in a state of shock.

Garcia huffed, "Em, what is there to wait for? The empress just kicked some jerks head off and I want to know what happens!"

The others stood in disbelief.

Before Garcia could continue, "THIS IS HOR-"

 **He was dead!**

"Really, now?" Morgan said sarcastically.

 **She was the most evil empress in the entire world!**

 **She became known as the...Crime Queen!**

"Hu-"

"NO INTERRUPTIONS!"

 **The FBI were called in. She wouldn't stop her reign. Her weapon of choice: nicely sized shoes. A ten pound** **coconut.**

"This isn't even remotely realistic," Hotch stated, ignoring the look Garcia gave him.

 **She was so powerful! So well thought out! They would need the help of Dr. Spencer Reid!**

 **Emily, black leotard and red lipstick, yelled frantically in the air. "Doctor, Doctor! We need you!"**

 **The others, only remotely aware, had already been captured. Taken by the evil, yet incredibly well dressed...Crime Queen!**

"Why does Reid always write me in as a Prostitue!?" Emily yelled angrily.

Morgan snickered and Emily elbowed him in the stomach.

 **"Emily!" _What is it baby..._ But it wasn't the time. Doctor had arrived only in time to catch her as she fainted to the ground. "What has happened?" _My love..._**

"AHHHHHHHHHH!"

 **"Crime Queen..." her voice was weak, strained. Soft. "The team..."**

 **She fell limp. The Doctor held her close.**

"Cute." Morgan said sarcastically.

Emily snarled and bared her teeth.

"Hey Em, just kidding..."

 **She was so beautiful, a gem in this world of dirt and slime. He looked toward the distance, knowing the team was just ahead, as was...Crime Queen, but despite that, he turned back and gazed at her through softened brown eyes.**

"Oh God Reid..." Emily whispered. She couldn't help but think his next words would reveal his true feelings for her. "Guys-"

 **She was so beautiful.**

"Guys, maybe-" Emily was cut off.

 **"I love ...that you wear black. It's just so hot! I feel all tingly inside!" He kissed her on the cheek before** **disappearing. If it wasn't his hot, sexy appearance, it was his classy exits that made him the smoothest Doctor around...**

 **The End!**

"Kill me." Emily groaned "Right now just shoot me in the head. I can't take this anymore!"

JJ, Hotch and Rossi couldn't help but agree.

"There wasn't even a plot. That was barely a story."

"I'm going home," JJ declared. Grabbing her stuff, she attempted to head toward the door.

"JJ! GUYS!" Garcia squealed, jumping to her feet. "You can't leave! We're getting to the best part!"

They all turned to look at her, eye brows raised.

"And what would that be?" Rossi inquired.

Garcia cracked a grin, "The reviews of course!"

Emily's eyes alit with an evil glint.

"Make room. It's my turn to write one."


	7. HotComputerSparkelGoddess5000

**Let's just get right to it. Really sorry for the long wait. I hope this makes up for it. As always thanks for your continued support. :)**

 **Usual Warnings: Childish humor, bad language?, spelling errors. Readers tolerance and patience is advised.**

...

Chapter Seven: HotComputerSparkelGoddess5000

...

"This is..."

"Exciting!?" Garcia interrupted JJ's monotonous voice with a squeal. Her whole body radiated with an excitement only comparable to a glee expressed by a child with unlimited access to candy.

"...killing me." JJ finished. Her whole face was flushed with exasperation. Her eyes were dull, with an eyebrow slightly cocked, and her mouth was pulled in a tight, thin lipped expression usually reserved for Henry.

"I drink to that," Rossi stated, and lifted what appeared to be an imaginary glass in the air signifying a salute. "This has been going on far too long, how about we call it a night..."

"NOO!" Garcia cried, jumping to her feet. Her eye's impossibly wide. "How can you say that? We only get this kind of opportunity once in a lifetime, right? We get to unlock and study and enjoy a side of Reid that we have never seen before. I don't want to quit."

Garcia looked around the room and met the gazes of her tired coworkers.

JJ's stared at Garcia, eyes half drooping, with her head propped up against her arm. Rossi was leaning against the back wall, imaginary glass still gripped tightly in his hand. The others, Hotch and Morgan, looked worn out as well.

Ready to quit.

The only one of them that seemed fine was Emily, who radiated with a new light. She smiled at Garcia.

"Em?" Morgan questioned from where he was standing beside the computer curiously. The woman had not been excited the whole night, in fact she had been protesting her captivity for at least half the time.

What had gotten into her?

Emily looked at the others and grinned. "I-well, ok. We have read a few stories right. And most of them have been pretty...strange. Well you know what I mean. I think it's about time we give Reid a taste of his own medicine..." Emily cocked an eyebrow mysteriously.

The other agents looked around confused. Morgan frowned.

Sensing their confusion, Emily continued. "Reviews guys! Accounts! Profiles! Reid thinks that he can secretly rewrite his life, with all of us in it, in any way he wants. A bit creepy, and very offensive. But also..." Emily's voice faltered as she whispered something that the other's failed to hear. However, before anyone could ask what she had said continued, " How about we make up some stories of our own..."

The other's, even with the intellect and skill of FBI grade profiler professionals, looked further confused.

Emily threw up her hands exasperated. "Ok. How about I show you." Emily squatted down next to Garcia. The two looked at each other and smiled.

"This is gonna be fun..."

...

"OH MY FUUUUUU-mngh" Reid sunk his teeth in the fabric of his jacket around his shoulder and quickly muffled the rest of his scream. He squeezed his eyes shut and focused on his breathing.

In.

Out.

Slowly...

He forced a smile and a slight chuckle, as the extraordinary pain in his...crotch region, slightly subsided. He forced his eyes open, and found himself staring at a window, the same window that he had been staring at for the past half hour. But now, he noticed the nice, clear reflections of every person aboard the subway car. Pretty much because they were all staring at him.

Reid chuckled painfully, almost hysterical. Maybe it was good. The attention gave him something to focus on instead of, well, the other thing he could be focused on at the moment. A thing that he could no longer feel if he was being completely honest. But WHATEVER. Thats fine.

"Hey kid. You mind shutting it." The gruff, idiotic voice of De sounded from above Reid, whom Reid could slightly see from the reflection in the window. He shifted slightly sending an immensely painful jolt of pain all throughout Reid's body who shrieked in reply as the metal armrest was forced further into him.

"Shut it, man." He called in a humdrum voice. "You been' rude." He shifted again.

Reid chocked back another scream and took a deep calming breath. He initially ignored De's idiotic and misplaced complaints as he was struck dumbfounded by the sight before him.

His eyes grew impossibly wide, his mouth almost hit the floor.

An anger so powerful began coursing within Reid that he had to force himself from trembling with rage.

There was no one sitting in the seat fucking 3 feet away from them.

...

A small squeal broke the slight snoring that had erupted from within the otherwise quite room.

"REVIEW TIME." Garcia yelled, washing away any lingering sleep the other's may have been feeling. "No interruptions!" She scrolled down and clicked on the first user. She then began reading aloud.

 **BABYIBEPOPPIN234: I personally luv all of ya storiessss! YAAA! You are my queen, m spirit animal. YAAAA! I luv u soon much! YAAA! You have such talent! OMMG Please put a baby in me! YAAA ;))) [1276 Oklandlymindal Road, Quanito, VA 000923 (Ill be waiting;)]**

"YAAA!" Morgan and JJ looked at each therewith eye brows raised and a slight smile suppressed. Seconds later they broke out laughing, high-fiving.

Hotch took a step towards the computer and leaned forward to reread the review. His brow was furrowed and his face held an expression of utter disbelief. His long fingers stroked his chin as he read. A few moments later he pulled himself upright and shook his head.

"Should I be the only one to remark on this person's utter idiocy or would someone else like the honor." Rossi remarked after taking a good look himself as well as a deep calming breath.

"It becomes out job to rescue idiots like this. How can people be so careless."

The question lingered in the air unanswered for a few moments before an all to familiar and excited voice reappeared once again.

"Well, they can't _all_ be idiots." Garcia suggested, as she scrolled down the page and decided over the 5 reviews there.

JJ took a step forward and gazed at the screen. When her eyes caught the name of the next user, she tapped the screen and exclaimed, "This one looks promising."

Her tone was anything but sarcastic.

 **LONGGGGGIRL789**

"NEXT!"

 **SEXMEUPSPENCER**

"NOT A CHANCE IN HELL!"

 **Gottherightsizedh-**

"NO!"

 **EMPEMPEMP: Emily is so HOT! I Love her so much! You write her so perfectly that i can just envision her.** **Yummy. You are a fantastic, Fantastic author! Whoa! But question, are you hooking up with her orrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...**

Everyone was looking at Emily, who seemed totally unfazed by the comment. Actually she seemed kind of amused.

"So what now?" JJ posed the question.

Emily as well as Garcia smiled mischievously. "Now...we create accounts."

...

"ARE YOU FREAKIN SITTING ON ME MAN?!" Reid all but exploded upon seeing the emptying subway car.

The man didn't above him, supposedly sitting on him, didn't say anything. Merely grunted and continued to shift occasionally.

"ARE YOU SERIOUS?! GET OFF ME!" Reid yelled, his voice echoed in the quieted subway car. He glanced back at the subway window and once again saw the reflection of all the people in the car as well.

All looking. Staring. Unmoving.

He couldn't believe it.

"Would someone please help me!"

He cocked his head to get a better view of the car. Gazing around at more faces.

One kid was holding up his phone recording the whole thing. Reid caught his eye.

"KID! Put down the phone and get this goon off of me!"

But Reid failed to notice the sudden failing of the youths face. In fact, the fear that suddenly struck the faces of all the passengers.

With one final burst of strength, "DE! GET OFF OF ME!" But the man, once again, failed to comply.

Instead, a small frightened voice arose.

"He's dead..."

...

"Really? Your going with that...?" Morgan gave Garcia a questioning look.

Garcia put her hands on her hips, "Honey Bear, what could be wrong with a name so sleek and incognito. It's perfect!"

"Baby, come on. Reid's a genius. You seriously don't think he will figure out that you, Penelope Garcia, did not create the username" Morgan looked at the screen and read "HotComputerSparkelGoddess5000..."

"Not at all." Garcia beamed, then glanced over at Emily, "You ready...SexyBeast111"

...

 **Recap (Real A/N)**

 **1\. Emily and Garcia are gonna mess with Reid**

 **2\. Something killed De...**

 **3\. Reid has almost lost all feeling in a very important place.**

 **4\. This story has yet to get any better, and it doesn't look to good...:/**

 **Hope you got a laugh? chuckle? snort? Gag possibly...?**

 **BTW Emily whispered "** **faltering..." OOOh**

 **Clique usernames...oh the horror :)**

 **XD**


End file.
